YOUNG ADULTS WILL SURPRISE YOU!!

Sometimes your children will surprise you in the most wonderful, amazing ways.

I wrote the last blog early this morning. So of course, I was feeling a little sad and lonely. Well, later in the day, there was a delivery.

I opend the door, and leaning against the door jam was a package. It said 'ProFlowers'. It was addressed to me. Now I know I didn't order any flowers: it's not my birthday, not my anniversary or any special day. Well, it is a special day--the day my darling Princess surprised me!! My first thought was someone got a hold of my credit card and was charging things on it!! But I was wrong. I opened the box, and lo and behold, inside was a beautiful bunch of tea roses with it's own vase!!And a card!! The card said:

Just Because You Are Wonderful.
Just wanted to let you know that
everything you do is amazing and truly
appreciated. I love you, Mommy.
Love forever, Princess.

How about that, people!!! What a kid I have!! I was so touched, I can't begin to tell you how much my heart swelled with love for my baby. I must have cried for 5 min. while trying to get the flowers in the vase with water. To receive flowers like that from my girl was truly one of the high points of my life!! Honestly!! I can't believe she did that!! To say that they came at the right moment is an understatement. But to know that she has that kind of compassion, that thoughtfulness makes me so proud to be her Mommy.

I love you, Princess.

Have a great day, and stay safe.
Me

HOW OLD DO I FEEL???

This has been a terrible month so far. First, I had to leave my firstborn 600+ miles away at school. Now I know, that is a good thing, but still..I miss her. Then....last Friday, Sept.22, she turned 20 years old!! And I was not there to celebrate with her!!!

Now, this is the third year that I have not celebrated her birthdy with her--physically with her. Yes, I call her and send her presents, but it's not the same thing. I am a picture taker. I take pictures of EVERYTHING!! Just ask my kids!! And I don't have pictures for Kerri's 18th, 19th or 20th birthdays. This is just wrong!!! But what is really, really wrong is that we will do this again next year. BUT NEXT YEAR SHE WILL BE 21!!! I am already dreading that. How can I not be there with my baby on her 21st birthday??!!

I was thinking maybe I'll take the weekend off and go stay in PA with her next year. . Think she would like that?? Probably not. She will be 21 and of legal age to go out. I doubt if she will want to leave me alone in a motel while she goes out with her friends. Well, maybe I could have cake with her and then leave, what do you think??? All I know is I miss her. She is talking about moving away after college. So I guess there will be more birthdays I am gonna miss-YUCK!! And probably hoildays, my grandchildren's birthdays, the list goes on and on!!

No one told me that motherhood would be like this--full of longings and dissapointments and sadness. I want her to grow up, have a wonderfully happy life wherever she choses to settle down, but I'll miss her.

Twenty years ago I held this precious, beautiful baby in my arms and thought that lilfe couldn't get any better that it was right then. Life was perfect. A million thoughts, dreams and hopes went through my mind about what her life/our life together would be like. And it has been a joy to live in this movie called "KERRI". For twenty years I have been awed by what she has accomplilshed. Her running, her singing, the way she treats people, her love of life have amazed me. She is a wonderful young lady whom I am so proud to call my daughter.


I always thought my Princess would be there-within reach to watch her grow and thrive as a person. If her life takes her away, I guess I'm just gonna have to watch it from afar. So, she better take a lot of pictures for me--I have a bunch of empty albums here just waiting to be filled!! Maybe a camera for her 21st birthday would be a good gift!!!

Have a geart day, and stay safe!!
Me

SADNESS....

What is sad?? Sadness??? Where does it come from? I know..you can be sad over the loss of someone or something. But the sadness that reaches down deep in you gut and doesn't let go-how does it get there?? The sadness that has no rhyme or reason as to where it comes from--you just wake up one morning and it's there. It's there while at work, it's there watching TV, it's there whlie shopping, etc.

I have a friend who is sad. There's no reason why she is sad--she just is. Her life is fine. She has a great job, a good family and friends, no money troubles, but she's sad. She cries for no reason, she's not smiling or laughing, she's angry for no apparent reason-she's just sad. She functions on the day-to-day things that matter. She goes to work and does her job fine, she takes care of her home, remembers important dates and parties, but she's sad.

I have asked her what she thinks is the matter--but she doesn't know. All she says is she doesn't want to be here. But she doesn't know where 'here' is. 'Here' is not her home, her town, the country or the planet. She can't define 'here'. She just doesn't want to be 'HERE'. She thinks maybe 'here' is her life--she wants a different one.

Do women go through a 'mid-life crisis' like men seem to do?? You know, where the 40 something man takes up with a 20 something chick, buys the fast car, etc?? I know I am stereotyping, but you get the idea. Do ladies feel like that?? We have talked about going back to school, maybe a new hobby, learing a new craft, traveling. The traveling seemed to perk her ears up. She says she would like to get in her car and go-doesn't matter where-she had no destination. Just to drive and see something. No time limits, no plans, if something catches her eye she can stop. But she wants to go alone. I told her I would come with her, and she thought about that, and thought that might be a plan. All I could think of then was "Thelma and Louise" and the ending scene--Help!!! hahaha

I always thought she was a strong person--no matter what curve ball life threw at her, she has handled it with such strength and perserverence. Maybe she was to strong for too long, I don't know. She's contemplating finding someone to talk to, so that's a step in the right direction. She doesn't want to go the med route, she doesn't like it. She says she will get herself out of it, and ai hope so. Until then, I all I can do is be there for her, and keep a close eye on her. Like Dion Warwick sang, "That's What Friends Are For".

Have a great day, and stay safe!!
Me

MY BABY'S GONE--BOO HOO HOO

Well, we brought Kerri back to university 2 weeks ago. We left at 3am and didn't return until 9 pm that night. What a long drive!! It was that lousy weekend when it rained-sometimes so hard you couldn't see 2 feet in front of the car. YUCK!! At least by the time we got to Lock Haven it had stopped-just overcast the rest of the day.

Kerri's boyfriend Anthony was already at school. He had to be there a few days earlier for training for work-he's a tour guide for the university. We arrived in Lock Haven earlier than we planned. So--the good mom I am--I had Kerri call and wake him up and took him to breakfast with us. Then we all went to Wal-Mart to get Kerri her food and essentials for her apartment. Thank goodness my cousin Dawn lent us her van, otherwise we would have been making two trips with all of Kerri's school stuff already in the van!!

The first year Kerri went to school, I shopped all summer for all the items she would need in a dorm.The van was packed with stuff!! When we got there, we found out there is a Wal-Mart 5 min. down the road!! Now, we shop after we get there--saves a lot of space in the vehicle!!! This year Kerri has an on-campus apartment. It's not just linens, towels, books, pens, pillows and clothes she must bring. This year it's pots, pans, chairs, rugs, dishes, plates, silverware, cleaning suppplies, dish detergent, sugar, milk, butter, spices, plastic wrap, foil, etc...!! You get the picture!!??!! It's so much easier to go to Wally World after we are there!!!

The apartment itself is cute. It has a living room/kitchen area, a bedroom for two, a bath and a huge walk-in closet. They have a couch, chair and dining room set, two beds and two computer desks. It's small but fine for two girls. Anthony is just around the corner in another apartment. If you can't find Kerri at home, she's down at Anthonys!!

The one thing I have to say about my Princess is she LOVES school!! I am so proud of her. She has taken to university life like a fish to water. She enjoys her classes, the extra activities the school provides (movie night, concerts, magicians etc...). She and anthony brought their bikes this year, so they have been doing alot of riding. She goes to the rec center and plays raquetball (a game I love). For years I had heard horror stories about kids failing in college with all the partying they do, but Kerri is not like that. The Drama Queen on the other hand--I think I'll keep her closer to home!! hahahahaha I am really proud of Kerri and her school work ethic. She might not be a straight A student, but she's terrific as far as I am concerned. She has a terific outlook on her future. She knows what she wants and she has kept that goal right out in front since day one. I have no doubt she will make it one day!!

Now, you gotta understand-this is her third year at school. We have the routine down, right??!! Yea, sure!! We unload her stuff, go to the bookstore to get her books, visit with Anthony and it's time to go. No problem. Yea--you think??? Go to say goodbye and all of a sudden the tears start to fall. Not tears, I think we competed with the Susquhanna River that day for the most volume of a liquid!! I couldn't stop crying, my baby was bawling. Hey. we've done this for two years already--aren't we over this?? I guess no matter how many times you say goodbye--it's still like the first time when you let them go.

When Kerri was home for the summer, she didn't want anything to do with me. I was crowding her, or always asking to many questions, getting in her space. She's grown up and independent so I should just let her be-right?? Okay-I am going to adopt a new attitude. Kerri is an adult and I will let her be one. We dropped her off on Saturday. She sent me an email Monday night to tell me all about her classes. Friday I got a voice mail on my cell phone form her. This is what she said,"Mom, call me. You haven't called to find out about my classes and how I'm doing. I haven't heard from you. Call me.". Well, I know about the classes 'cause you sent me a detailed email. You told me how you are doing. DUH. I can't win for trying!! I give her space, I leave her be, and now I'm a bad mother for NOT bugging her!!! Is there a manual on how to treat your child when she's home versus when she's away at school?? Maybe Parent/Child communications for Dummies??? Has that book been written yet??

I know Kerri is doing great out in Lock Haven. It's far away but close enough to still be in the same time zone. I miss her terribly, but will see her at Thanksgiving. Until then, there's email and the phone. And I know Anthony is there to keep an eye on her. She's having the time of her life, and I am so proud of that for her. (Ignore the tears stains on this right now-I think I have something in my eye!!).

I love you, Princess.

Have a great day, and stay safe.
Me